If you are going through sucky times:
1. Take a shower/bath. Get in the water. Let it wash you clean.
2. Put on something other than pajamas.
3. Avoid social media. Someone else’s party that you weren’t invited to may just send you on a spiral. Another glimpse of a thin goddessfairy thing may send you into the ice cream. Pictures of cute animals aren’t always healing and motivational quotes can make you scream. Just leave the social media to those who aren’t saying anything from their own mind. It will be there when you can deal.
4. Communicate what you are going through, however, avoid people who don’t get what you are going through (“Suck it up” or “I’ll send you energy”). You need understanding and a real live person in front of you.
5. Don’t feel you have anyone to talk to? Then write down everything you are feeling and then take the paper and rip it up and set it on fire.
6. Re-think the Comfort Food Plan. That’s the fall-back habit. Do something different…eat healthy for one whole day.
7. Changing habits is key. Instead of the usual, do something different. Surprise yourself.
8. Go ahead and be pissed. Feel it. Feel it all the way. The surface stuff of “Oh, I’ll be ok” or “I’ll get over it” is bullshit. When you feel it all the way you get down to the nuts and bolts of what is going on…THEN…you can start to surface.
9. Don’t let someone try to “fix it.” See above.
10. If you have taken a shower, gotten dressed and wrote everything down and burned the paper – then take yourself to some magnificent place and order a cup of coffee. Even if it is a $7.00 cup of coffee. Sit and observe everyone else. You will come away with something intriguing.
11. Get perspective. Ludwig van Beethoven was deaf, Franklin Delano Roosevelt had polio – and he’s also the only US President to serve four terms, Oprah Winfrey had a traumatic childhood, J.K. Rowling lived in an apartment that was infested by mice and was on government assisted living.
12. Think about it. “I can’t……” is a lie. You can say, “I choose not to…”, but for the most part, “I can’t….” is a self-lie. There is no power in lying to yourself.
13. This one is my favorite. Stop saying “I don’t know what to do.” New mantra: “I’ll figure it out.”
(“I don’t know what to do” stops the flow of ideas. You are telling yourself that you are stuck. “I’ll figure it out” opens up the mind to … figure it out.)
14. If a friend offers to hang out – GO. (They may be following the directives that are below!) It helps others to feel good to help you. “Get a healing, give a healing.”
Just a few power tools I have tucked away to get me through my sucky days.
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously.
Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life.
You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.
You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.“
Every time you get through hard times, you do get a little more power-full.
If you know someone going through sucky times:
1. Show up. Make a phone call, text, send an email…something. Check in. Frequently. Let your friend know that you are aware and willing to listen. Even if they do not respond right away, hang in there with them. Keep showing up. Don’t assume that because she didn’t respond she doesn’t want to talk to you.
2. You may have a practice of praying or sending energy to a friend in need. Great. But sometimes saying that to the friend in need can be offensive. What if your friend does not believe in that practice? What if what your friend needs is face time. Coffee, lunch…a night out. There is more power in showing up. Actions scream “I CARE ABOUT YOU.” Unless a person ASKS “please pray/send energy/mojo/juju/keep me in your good thoughts” go easy on dispensing ethereal assistance. Or do it and keep it to yourself while you are having said coffee.
3. Remember that even the most strong and courageous individuals may not always feel that way. NEVER ASSUME they are ok. See #1.